The Oscars were March 12, and people showed up and were wearing clothes. I know, revolutionary, right? I’m gonna talk about the outfits because apparently that’s what I do now. That and Club Penguin. Also I bought a subscription to Vogue for this article so y’all better read it.

Rihanna showed up in a stunning Alaia dress looking like a pregnant Black Widow in the best possible way. Michelle Yeoh was channeling her inner fairy bride with a Dior Haute Couture gown.

Shocker Alert, every single male showed up in a plain black tux. Dudes, step it up. (Except for Lenny Kravitz who looked very dashing, if I do say so myself.)

Although Halle Bailey is portraying Ariel in the upcoming live action Little Mermaid, she showed up in a gorgeous Cinderella-like Dolce and Gabbana gown. Kate Hudson and Malala both wore lovely discoballesque gowns.

Jessie Buckley looked like Lydia from Beetlejuice, it kind of worked though.

Emily Blunt wore a white, off-the-shoulders Valentino gown which was boring, in my opinion . . . as was Elizabeth Olsen’s flapper-like Givenchy dress.

Sandra Oh looked beautiful in a pumpkin-colored Giambattista Valli Haute Couture gown, and Angela Basset was stunning in a purple Moschino gown.

Overall, the Oscar looks weren’t bad at all. They were much better than the train wreck that was the Grammys.